EDITED on 7/14/2012-After discussing this post with a treasured friend, I realized that the tone of this post did NOT come across how I wished it to, so rather than re-write, I feel like it would be best to just try and explain what I actually meant by posting this piece.
I do not, in any way shape or form, think that people my size, or even bigger, NEED to lose weight. When I talk about how big I am, I don't necessarily mean that as a negative thing, it is just an honest statement. I used to be a lot smaller, and I guess I just still feel like I am this small, fragile, delicate little thing. And, I'm just not anymore. I am a hardy, corn fed girl. It is what it is. BUT, there are things about my body that cause me physical pain, because even though my body is not tiny, it is still not particularly strong. I have tremendous back pain, pain in my feet(because they are somewhat disformed at this point) and pain in my neck. I also deal with a lot of nausea and fatigue. Some days I struggle to get out of bed at all, I have such little energy. I know this is at least in part to not being as healthy as I should be, because prior to a few weeks ago, I didn't take the time to love myself and treat myself to well prepared, healthy meals(though I do this for my family) and time away from work(mt business and household work) exercising. The point of this post is more about getting healthy mentally AND physically, so I can try to help correct some of these horrendous pains I deal with, that make it hard to function.
As I state below, it really isn't about the weight loss. It's about being healthy, and feeling like I don't have to hide myself from the world anymore. In the "before" photos, I am hiding behind a fluffy apron and goofy hat. In the "during" and "after" photos, I might weigh the same amount, but be in a more form fitting dress, because I will hopefully be more comfortable knowing that I look the way I look because I am HEALTHY, HAPPY and CONFIDENT. Which is what I, personally, desire to be. These three traits come in MANY forms! And many beautiful sizes!
So please don't read this and feel like you need to lose weight, or should be ashamed of yourself because you are bigger than me. DO read this and realize that if there is something in your life that bothers you, you are the ONLY ONE who can fix it! If your weight does bother you, make some healthy changes and love yourself WHILE you make them, don't wait until after and make yourself earn the privilege of loving yourself. If you are happy with your size but others make yourself feel like you shouldn't be, choose a new environment and surround yourself with positivity so you aren't distracted from living your life and enjoying it, by something so superficial as somebody else's opinion. If you can't change your physical environment, change your mental one! Don't let anybody else decide your dreams and ideals for you. Be who you want to be, and love the person you are now.
I want to preface this whole post by saying that I have a craft market coming up next weekend so the blog might be a little quiet the next couple of weeks while I bust my hump trying to get a few last new products made. I also am working on a new booth setup that I am super excited about, so if I don't post much, it isn't because I don't like you anymore-I'm just super de duper busy!
So, in a previous post I mentioned that there are some changes being made in my life right now, and in an effort to help keep myself accountable, I decided that I would take the blogging route so many others have taken before me and post "before", "during" and "after" photos as I travel my self-improvement journey.
I want to reiterate that I am not on this journey to be "skinny", so if you are looking for dramatic phase photos, I cannot promise that's what you will see. In fact, I feel pretty confident promising you that you will NOT see that. What I do think you will see is a little bit of weight loss, maybe, as I drop most, but not all, of the sugary and carb loaded baked goods( *sobs*) and better fitting clothing as I find myself(hopefully) a little better toned with a greater muscle mass, and dressing for my body type, instead of dressing to cover it up. I suspect you might see better body language(poses) too, as I grow to feel less uncomfortable in my own skin.
Here is my before. And technically, this isn't the actual before, as I have been "working out"(I HATE that term! Don't ask me why, but it grates my nerves...) for about three weeks and have already lost a couple inches in my waist, and an inch in my hips. None in the chest yet(*cries again*). I am guessing most of that is probably just water weight though as I have a tendency to crave salty things like pickels, jalapenos from the jar and hot sauce.
What?! If I am going to do this I am going to do it in the way I feel most comfortable! Which would NOT be in tight yoga pants or my bra and panties...ha ha ha.
Ok, so here's another in case you cannot take the one above seriously...
I never realize just how big a girl I am until I see myself in pictures, and then, I am always sort of shocked. I mean, I am conscious of the fact that I weight 40 pounds more than I did when I became pregnant with The Kid, but I just don't feel like a "big girl" most of the time. I am sorta tall, but I often forget that until I go out into the real world. I think maybe when you feel sort of small and insignificant as a soul, you maybe also find yourself assuming that you are physically so, too.
And now, onto the specifics.
I cannot believe I am going to admit these things in a public space, but if I'm going to be honest with myself, I might as well be honest with all of you.
Height-5 feet 8 inches
Weight-167-170 pounds(the most I have ever weighed outside of pregnancy. My body tends to hover around 150 when I am not starving myself.)
Waist-30 inches(a little more after I've eaten, haha!)
At my smallest, four years ago, I weighed 130 pounds and had 36-26-38 measurements. So, I've never been tiny, but honestly, even at that size, I was pretty freakin' unhealthy, as I only achieved that size by starving myself. So, I have no desire to be that size again. I just want to be able to run without getting winded after a quarter mile, and have a little less back pain.
Like I said, I don't know how I'll change, or even if I will, as far as my physical size goes. But I can tell you that three weeks ago this chubby girl could barely walk a quarter of a mile without feeling tired and whiny. Now, I can jog two and a half miles in about 40 minutes(on a good day) and feel REALLY, really good. And that's only after three weeks!
BRING ON THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!!!!!!